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Chinese Government Cracks Down On Refills [The Onion]

I don’t know how I missed this amazing Onion article from 1997.

BEIJING—The Chinese government issued an official crackdown on all beverage refills Monday, warning that those who are caught helping themselves to more than one serving of any drink will be prosecuted as “traitors against the state.”

“There will be no extra servings of Coke, Sprite or any other beverage in the Great and Glorious People’s Republic of China,” President Jiang Zemin announced via national radio Monday. “Refills are the poisonous creation of the Western capitalist running dog, who is too gluttonous to be satisfied by what can be contained in a single 12- or 16-ounce cup.”

The crackdown comes in the wake of a Jan. 15 student-led rally in Beijing’s Tiananmen Square, in which more than 450,000 pro-refill demonstrators were run over by government tanks. More than 270,000 other demonstrators were arrested and sent to refill re-education compounds in the remote Yinchuan province in Central Asia, where they will be taught to “contain their beverage thirst to those limits which are in accordance with the teachings of Chairman Mao.”

“One drink,” said Chinese Premier Li Peng. “One drink only.”

You can read the rest of the story here.

[The Onion]

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  1. Heesa Phadie says:

    Haha…that’s great. I have a love/hate with The Onion. Some of their articles are fantastic…well actually most are written really well…but when they’re so far out there is just hard to read through the whole thing knowing from the beginning that it’s false. Their video segments are top notch as are their sports segments.

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