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February 25th, 2010:

Canadians talking smack [Olympics]

We are dominating the medal count and even beat them at their national sport. About the only thing we could do to complete the humiliation would be for McDonald’s to buy Tim Horton’s, and then close it.  So it is understandable that some Canadians want to lash out at the USA. But I’ve got to say, this one is below the belt.

We’ll see who is laughing when the US Hockey Team wins again tonight!


Snowpocalypse: New York edition [recycled content]

The snow is coming down hard in New York right now. Visibility is greatly reduced. I can now longer see the skyscraper that is three blocks away from my apartment window. The weather service is predicting up to 16-inches of snow. The snow storm is supposed to be particularly damaging, because, according to the weather service, it has “teamed up with a wind storm.”

Of course, when the elements start joining forces against us we are screwed. And since people are going to start acting like fools I thought it would be a good time to retread the rules for how to behave in a snowstorm that I offered to the burghers of Washington D.C. a few weeks ago.

1: Umbrellas are for the rain. They’ll do you no good in the snow and just serve to hit other pedestrians in the face.

2: If the street is covered with snow, it is OK to walk on it.

3: If you’re in a car, you’re waiting. The pedestrians in your way have wet feet and are cold, you at least have heat.

4: When there is little more than a one-person path through the snow, it is the responsibility of the person with more robust footwear to giveaway to those coming from the other direction.

5: Snowpants are for skiing, not the bar. Just because there is some white stuff on the ground doesn’t mean you get to dress like a fool.

Russians raise the bar for Canada bashing [Olympics]

Nothing brings Americans together like a good joke about Canada. Making fun of our neighbors to the north runs in our blood. Their “Eh?”s, their Maple Leaves, their bizarre fixation with Curling. Everything about Canada is just so mockable.

When two Americans meet each other for the first time, a good anecdote about those kooky Canadians will break the ice as well as anything. Mocking Canada is essentially a national sport (at least for those of us north of the Mason-Dixon Line). We’ve even made movies entirely devoted to the cause.

So it came as a bit of a shock to a to someone like myself who grew up on the US-Canada border to see an article in the Russian Newspaper Pravda that blows American Canada-bashing out of the water. Being a Russian publication, the article is a bit more vitriolic than the Canada jokes we tell here in America. But wow, is it worth a read.

Some of the highlights:

… the utter incapacity of this county to host a major international event, due to its inferiority complex , born of a trauma being the skinny and weakling bro to a beefy United States and a colonial outpost to the United Kingdom, whose Queen smiles happily from Canadian postage stamps.

…Vancouver is mutton dressed as lamb…

Oh, and lets not forget the bizarre assertion of widespread Canadian war crimes.

The abject cruelty shown by Canadian soldiers in international conflicts is scantily referred to…

Those crazy Russians… Always good for a laugh.

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