We're not in China anymore
I didn’t watch the Olympic opening ceremonies, as I wasn’t terribly interested in sitting through a multi-hour Canadian love fest.
But maybe I should have, because from what I’ve heard Canada’s low-budget production was pretty funny–albeit in that cringe-worthy, Larry David kind of way.
They broke the Olympic torch, subjugated millions of TV viewers to slam poetry and gave new meaning to the word hokey.
If you want to see what you missed, check out this hilarious play-by-play recap by Heather Havrilesky, Salon.com’s TV critic.
Here is a great excerpt, but do yourself a favor and read the whole thing.
“In effect, right now, we are sitting in a 60,000-seat snow globe,” says Matt Lauer, “the kind you would have on a children’s or a child’s shelf back home.” I think a real snow globe might be about fifty million times more exciting than this. Aren’t there at least snowmen or Christmas trees in those things?
Wait, some kind of leader type is banging his staff into the snow and blue circles of light are waving out from it. Now Lauer is telling us about the incredible technology that’s being used. I don’t remember anyone prattling on like this during the most dramatic parts of the opening ceremony in Beijing. Next, Costas is telling us that Beijing spent between $300 – $400 million on their opening ceremony, whereas this one cost between $30 – $40 million dollars. What did they spend that kind of money on? Did Sutherland hold out for an enormous fee for his voiceover?
Here comes a gigantic polar bear made of lights. Oh, I get it. Canada is sponsored by Coca Cola!