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December 7th, 2009:

Link Round-up: [You know it’s bad when you’re worse than Italy edition]

Naples is beautiful this time of year

Naples is beautiful this time of year

WHO NEEDS COPHENHAGEN; BIG BUSINESS WILL SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT: Though it’s fashionable for the granola types to disparage Big Business, real Americans understand that faceless multi-national companies are one of the things that make America Great. How else would we spread the institutions of free refills and to-go coffee around the globe without the help of Starbucks and McDonald’s?

Now it turns out that Big Business might just be the key to saving the environment as well. At least that is according to an Op-Ed in the Sunday New York Times from renowned archeologist Jarred Diamond which argues that great American companies like Walmart and Coca-Cola are doing wonders to fight climate change and promote sustainability.

Thanks Big Business!

IF YOU CAN’T BEAT THEM, PROFIT FROM THEM: There is nothing the health crowd hates more than delicious soda (pop, where I’m from). They want to ban it from schools and even tax it. But Coca-Cola, the great American company that brought us Santa Claus, isn’t giving up without a fight. It plans to try and lure back calorie conscious consumers with new, lower calorie cans of Coca-Cola classic. The new lower calorie cans, which are debuting in New York City next week, have the same ingredients as the good stuff; there is just less of it. Hopefully they charge the same price for them as the normal cans.

FALLING BEHIND A HEAP OF RUINS: For Americans, the United Kingdom is kind of like a crazy old relative. We admire their past accomplishments, but their perpetual decline is a little hard to watch. This week came word that the sun has finally set on good old Britannia. The United Kingdom, which back in the day was a real bad-ass and controlled about 1/3 of the world, now has a smaller economy than Italy. As you’ll recall, Italy is the so-called “Developed Western Nation” that can’t even manage to pick up the garbage in one of its major cities.

Sad, just sad.

The Microwaveable Teddy Bear [American innovation]

teddy-bearDid you think that the all-American teddy bear needed any improvement?

Neither did I.

At least, that’s until the other night when I was walking through the Columbus Circle Holiday Market and came across a stall selling microwaveable teddy bears.

Apparently these new–and-improved teddy bears have some sort of heating element inside them that will keep you warm all night long (or approximately 30 minutes). All you have to do is put the cuddly little creature into the kitchen microwave for a few minutes (make sure to scrape out the crud first).

After seeing this amazing teddy bear, I can’t help but feel that all other stuffed animals are somehow deficient. Why would you rely on an old teddy bear that only offers emotional warmth when you can get one that emits actual heat?

You wouldn’t.

I guess its time to drag out the dumpster and get rid of all those old and busted stuffed animals to make way for the new warming ones.

If you’re looking for for an awesome Hot Hugs stuffed anmial, you can buy one here.

God Bless America!

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