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What makes Europe Stink €2. Nescafé Instant Coffee

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Coffee Action

Europeans love to look down on Americans. They poke fun at our history, mock our mannerisms, and guffaw when confronted with our cultural achievements. But there is nothing that gives Europeans more pleasure than mocking our food and often-rushed eating habits. To the Europeans, our convenience-based food culture is the very meaning of uncouth.

But behind all of the turned-up noses, the Europeans are hiding a dirty little secret about their own food culture:  Europeans, the self-styled guardians of slow-food dining and coffeehouse culture, drink an awful lot of instant coffee.

When I say an awful lot, I don’t mean they drink it once or twice a week when they are in a pinch. No sir. Europeans drink a truly alarming amount of instant coffee. By one account, during the average week more than 93 percent of the coffee brewed (can you call it brewed when it is instant?) in British households was instant. And what is worse, Europeans seem to actually enjoy instant coffee. It is almost as if they don’t understand that normal coffee exists at all.

Of course, the Euro-defenders who hate America will crow that real Europeans drink nothing but Espresso.

Hogwash.

As any honest American that has traveled to Europe knows, the only coffee you can get over there is Nescafé instant coffee. They might have Espresso machines behind the counter, but these are largely just for show or special occasions. Restaurants, hotels, and coffeehouses alike all serve up Nescafé instant coffee. Sure, you could try to order an espresso, but the typical waiter would glare at you with a level of scorn typically reserved for Americans who ask to pay with a credit card.

So next time you travel to Europe, remember to savor that extra large coffee you got from the gas station on the way to the airport. As it will be the last good old American brewed coffee you’ll taste for weeks.

God Bless America!

 

ACTION ALERT: Help make Europe safe for coffee drinkers everywhere. 

Write Starbucks and McDonald’s HQ and ask them to step up their expansion plans in Europe ASAP! Be sure to mention that you’re concerned with the lack of real coffee in Europe. 

McDonalds 
2111 McDonald’s Dr 
Oak Brook, IL 60523 

Starbucks 
PO Box 34067 
Seattle, Washington 98124

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9 Comments

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  7. matus says:

    people like you make ma laugh…or better cry. i hate nescafe but reading your article …..where in europe have you been? and anyone who can appreciate cafe wouldnt buy one in starsucks or mcdonald. and its a coffee flauvored water what you call coffee in US. im so glad i live in europe.

    1. Free Refills says:

      But European Espresso also sucks. You’re better off at Starbucks.

  8. John Doe says:

    It’s hard to get good coffee in the US. And for f**k sake, get out of the UK, they don’t have anything on the menu that is representative for Europe.

    I would never drink coffee at a Starbucks though, worse coffee is hard to find.

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