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#5. – Open 24/7

CVS Open 24 hours

It’s 4 A.M and you’re hungry. Like any red-blooded American, you immediately turn to the freezer, pick out your favorite frozen meal and toss it in the microwave.* You push ‘Start” then… nothing. You bang the microwave a few times with increasing force, but still… nothing.**

Your microwave is broken and you’re hungry. What do you do?

If you lived overseas, your course of action would be straightforward: Cry yourself to sleep and try not to think of the hunger pains.

But you’re an American, and being an American means getting what you want, when you want it. No exceptions.

So you want a new medium-sized kitchen appliance in the middle of the night on a Sunday? No problem. That is why God invented 24-hour Big Box stores.

Just jump in your SUV and drive down to the nearest Meijer or 24/7 supercenter nearest you. You’ll be able to pick up that new microwave, some groceries, new clothes or whatever else you might want. Hell, while you’re out in the middle of the night, why not buy some pet fish, or a hamster or even an insurance policy for your cat. Meijer has those for sale too.

It’s not just Big Box stores that are available all night. America also has 24/7:

  • Car Washes
  • Oil Changes
  • Restaurants
  • Pizza Delivery
  • Pharmacies
  • Car Repair Shops
  • Liquor Stores
  • Pet Hospitals
  • Salons
  • And many, many more…

God Bless America!

(Thanks to John R. for the suggestion!)

* My favorite kind is anything from Hungry Man, although I’ll admit, I’ve never tried them. I just love the name.

**Banging on things has been proven the most effective and most American way to repair household appliances and electronics.

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  1. John R. says:

    Has anyone tried buying a pet at Meijer after midnight? Would you get a weird look from the clerk?

  2. Steffen says:

    The USA are really the country of the unlimited possibilities!!

    If we’re talking about Meijer there’s just a little thing that I like you to know: don’t get the Caesar’s Salad!!;-)

  3. JB MASSET says:

    I have to agree on the immense advantage of having all kinds of stores open 24/7 in America. Especially the car washes and the pet hospitals. And i have to admit that i did not quite understand all the fuss so many people made in the US lately, when they got kicked out of their homes because of the subprime crisis (which originated in the old Europe, we are pretty much certain of this by now, right?).
    They yelled and demonstrated and started to vote for Democrats whereas they could have just gone find a shelter in one of these open all night stores… Look at Wall Mart – the merry employees of this great chain could have been the warmest and most welcoming hosts for these grumpy moaners…
    I mean, what the hell? These lunatics obviously did not understand the true beauty of America…

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  9. John Doe says:

    God bless minimum wage that is 1/3 of the richest countries in Europe and the exploitation of illegal immigrants.

    Dealing with the crime, poverty, drugs and such that it brings is nothing but pure freedom in the land of the free.

    Who would like to live in a socialist country where you have to be safe at night out in the streets, have free healthcare, a decent salary and have a really hard time buying your drugs and don’t even try to get a gun because that’s virtually impossible.

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