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March 24th, 2009:

#5. – Open 24/7

CVS Open 24 hours

It’s 4 A.M and you’re hungry. Like any red-blooded American, you immediately turn to the freezer, pick out your favorite frozen meal and toss it in the microwave.* You push ‘Start” then… nothing. You bang the microwave a few times with increasing force, but still… nothing.**

Your microwave is broken and you’re hungry. What do you do?

If you lived overseas, your course of action would be straightforward: Cry yourself to sleep and try not to think of the hunger pains.

But you’re an American, and being an American means getting what you want, when you want it. No exceptions.

So you want a new medium-sized kitchen appliance in the middle of the night on a Sunday? No problem. That is why God invented 24-hour Big Box stores.

Just jump in your SUV and drive down to the nearest Meijer or 24/7 supercenter nearest you. You’ll be able to pick up that new microwave, some groceries, new clothes or whatever else you might want. Hell, while you’re out in the middle of the night, why not buy some pet fish, or a hamster or even an insurance policy for your cat. Meijer has those for sale too.

It’s not just Big Box stores that are available all night. America also has 24/7:

  • Car Washes
  • Oil Changes
  • Restaurants
  • Pizza Delivery
  • Pharmacies
  • Car Repair Shops
  • Liquor Stores
  • Pet Hospitals
  • Salons
  • And many, many more…

God Bless America!

(Thanks to John R. for the suggestion!)

* My favorite kind is anything from Hungry Man, although I’ll admit, I’ve never tried them. I just love the name.

**Banging on things has been proven the most effective and most American way to repair household appliances and electronics.

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